So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
