Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
