Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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