I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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