thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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