Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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