Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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