Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
