I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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