i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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