Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
