they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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