he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
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Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
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Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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