Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i think i just lost a toe
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
