It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish you could order shots online.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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