I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
