guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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