Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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