Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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