...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
