I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am spending my child support on dildos
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
