I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
