I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They have beer where we have blood.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
