you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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