I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
