That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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