everyone is single if you try hard enough
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
