what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
