In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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