I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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