you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
