if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
