Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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