To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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