They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
