Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
