I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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