jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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