just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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