Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
