Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
