U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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