Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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