I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
