im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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