Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
