sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize