What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
