I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
