The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
These tits shall not be calmed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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