I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
