you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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