Umm I'm too high to move.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.