some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
