i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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