its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
