Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
