just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
barbara walters just said penis...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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