i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize