Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
