I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
