my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
