Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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