i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
