your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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