Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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