wrigley field is MILF paradise
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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