I got chris browned last night
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
