there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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