Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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