If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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