Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
