Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Green mimosas i think yes
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
