Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
