Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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