he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Help. Why am I so naked?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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