Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
