I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
