how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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